I’m now on day 10 of my weight loss plan, this is the most direct I’ve been able to be since I was a teenager dealing with my eating disorder.
I’m using a free application on my iPod that Kevin gave me. I’m kinda embarrassed to have such a nice toy, but it just worked out to come to me when Kevin needed to upgrade for school, he was going to give me his old one, but it wasn’t working right, we took it into Applecare, and it had something fried, so I got a brand new hand held mini computer.
Anyway, back to the reason for this post… I’m trying to lose weight. Whoah, I said it. It’s something that I avoid. I pretend that people see the person I am inside and not this big body. When I pass my reflection I look the other way as if trying to avoid a bully’s eyes. If I don’t see it, it won’t see me, right? When I’m faced with it I usually just say to myself “well I have a bigger than average [tummy, arms, thigh, wrists, neck, or fingers]” and pretend that I’m just irregularly disproportioned. I’m OK with my stretch marks, and when it really comes down to it I’m OK with my weight, but not what it does to my health and my ability to do my job as Mother and Wife.
I’m tired of being tired, of not being able to chase my kids around, of being judged, being a slave to the kitchen and what’s in it, and feeling self conscious. I really don’t eat that much. I do enjoy seconds and desserts, but I really think my problem comes down to lack of self control and lack of exercise. That and the fear of mentally taking this too far since I have before, I so strongly want to avoid making this the center of my life and just healthy habits.
I don’t have a scale at home, I’ve never been able to keep one working (jumping kids will do that), so I’ll just weigh myself at the doctors, or wherever else I find a scale (I think both my Mom and MIL have them). My goal is slow and steady. I want to lose 1 pound a week for 40 weeks. I’m tracking calories with loseit.com and feeling pretty well.
About three days ago I got extremely hungry and felt weak emotionally and about ready to throw in the towel. Then I put on these pants. A year ago these pants almost fell off, before my freak weight loss (AKA Kev’s surgeries), Two weeks ago they were uncomfortable tight. Today they’re almost falling off again! that sounds like progress to me! I have a doctors appointment Monday. We’ll see then how things are going!
Kaylene I am so with you here!! I love myself and I have always been comfortable with my weight but considering I struggled with anorexia in high school (I graduated at 98 pounds) I never thought I would be comfortable with a few extra pounds. But I was and am, but lately when I look in the mirror and see that that the definition in my face is slowly going I decided to tone up and get rid of the extra baby fat I have carried. I am so with you on this. But I cant give up chocolate!! I will try to eat right and excercise but I am keeping my chocolate!! <3
I’m proud of you Kaylene! But I want you to know that I see the beautiful woman you are inside and out! Good luck!
It is definitely a scary thing to start. The biggest thing that helped me out was writing down EVERYTHING I put into my mouth and measuring. I will be with you starting the beginning of the new year. This baby growing thing changed my priorities a little bit for right now. Make sure you are taking pictures of yourself. If possible, take them in the same outfit every two weeks. You will be amazed how fast it starts making a difference. One fun exercise I did a lot with the kids was playing duck, duck, goose or just chasing them around the house. Then they are in on the fun too. I also talked a lot to Callie about making healthy food choices and she helped me out. If you do get hungry during the day, pop some popcorn (use the old fashioned kind that you pop or 96% fat free microwave stuff). Very few calories and you can keep it out all day so if you get the munchies it is there and you are not tempted to look in cupboards.
You can do this Kaylene. I know that you can. I will be cheering you on!!!
I’m right there with you. I am just starting my diet/exercise program this week. It’s only been one day and I’ve already cheated. It. Is. Hard. Mega hard. But look at you- you are on day 10!! That is terrific! Once you get into the groove, it gets easier. The first 5 days are soooo hard and that is where I’m at right now. I just made a spreadhseet yesterday and put my measurements in, as well as my weight and I’m going to weigh/measure every Monday. It will take me one year to lose all of the weight I want to lose. I am starting at shooting for 3 lbs a week (only because I am recently post pardum and this weight will come off easy), but in a few weeks my goal is 2 lbs a week. Then when I get closer to my goal it will be 1 lb a week. Let’s cheer each other on!
Hi! I’ve been learning about “Eating for Your Soul” by Jarah Christensen, who is also LDS. I’ve just posted about Step One (writing about it helps me retain the info from the workbook). Basically, the world wants you on a diet, but your body just wants you to listen to it.
http://fitby41maybe42.blogspot.com/2010/12/eating-for-your-soul-step-one.html
I hope you like it.