It’s been long enough!
I went with Aiden to his fall field trip this last week, we had a blast! We went to Living Planet Aquarium this weekend too. It’s VERY dark, so very hard to get interesting pictures that aren’t blurry.
It’s been a big one. On Friday October 16th 2009 our lives changed forever. Things had been changing in little ways for a long time, but this was a freefall kind of change.
Kevin’s blogging over on his blog about it and I’d like to invite you to go read. I think I’ll be blogging in the near future on my thoughts and feelings on our experiences too, but it’s kinda a big thing that can be easy to talk about or very hard, I never know until I get into it.
I’m now on day 10 of my weight loss plan, this is the most direct I’ve been able to be since I was a teenager dealing with my eating disorder.
I’m using a free application on my iPod that Kevin gave me. I’m kinda embarrassed to have such a nice toy, but it just worked out to come to me when Kevin needed to upgrade for school, he was going to give me his old one, but it wasn’t working right, we took it into Applecare, and it had something fried, so I got a brand new hand held mini computer.
Anyway, back to the reason for this post… I’m trying to lose weight. Whoah, I said it. It’s something that I avoid. I pretend that people see the person I am inside and not this big body. When I pass my reflection I look the other way as if trying to avoid a bully’s eyes. If I don’t see it, it won’t see me, right? When I’m faced with it I usually just say to myself “well I have a bigger than average [tummy, arms, thigh, wrists, neck, or fingers]” and pretend that I’m just irregularly disproportioned. I’m OK with my stretch marks, and when it really comes down to it I’m OK with my weight, but not what it does to my health and my ability to do my job as Mother and Wife.
I’m tired of being tired, of not being able to chase my kids around, of being judged, being a slave to the kitchen and what’s in it, and feeling self conscious. I really don’t eat that much. I do enjoy seconds and desserts, but I really think my problem comes down to lack of self control and lack of exercise. That and the fear of mentally taking this too far since I have before, I so strongly want to avoid making this the center of my life and just healthy habits.
I don’t have a scale at home, I’ve never been able to keep one working (jumping kids will do that), so I’ll just weigh myself at the doctors, or wherever else I find a scale (I think both my Mom and MIL have them). My goal is slow and steady. I want to lose 1 pound a week for 40 weeks. I’m tracking calories with loseit.com and feeling pretty well.
About three days ago I got extremely hungry and felt weak emotionally and about ready to throw in the towel. Then I put on these pants. A year ago these pants almost fell off, before my freak weight loss (AKA Kev’s surgeries), Two weeks ago they were uncomfortable tight. Today they’re almost falling off again! that sounds like progress to me! I have a doctors appointment Monday. We’ll see then how things are going!
1 My Sweet husband
2 His hand on my back
3 Watching Michael intently draw
4 Aiden trying to make everyone around him smile
5 Joey’s kisses and innocent “I wuv you!”
6 Long drives when everyone’s asleep
7 Rain, the harder and colder the better
8 Sunshine with a perfect breeze
9 Singing a happy hymn
10 Getting home after church having “made it”
11 A late night movie in bed
12 My big soft turquoise bed
13 Cuddling with my warm hubby in that bed
14 When Kevin feels good
15 Remembering my babies and their births
16 The silence of an empty van
17 When I get tired of that, singing at the top of my lungs in my van
18 yummy smells in my kitchen
19 Long Hot showers after a busy day
20 Joey falling asleep when he’s sleepy
21 Walking home with the boys from school or seeing them run across the front lawn
22 Noticing Kevin pull up after work, the closer to his “normal” off time, the better
23 Wonderful family that loves us so much
24 Having my own home with my 4 favorite people in the world.
25 The feeling of peace that I get when I put life in Heavenly Fathers Hands after I’ve done all I feel I can.
Kevin has recovered pretty well from his surgery. He’s doing OK, but he’s being slammed at work. They have two others guys out on long term sick leave, so on top of being in the middle of busy season and changing their methods, their work load is growing twice as fast as they can get things through the system. Kevin has to stay late as often as he possibly can. He’s muddling through alright.
We got back Saturday night from a family Reunion at a little ranch house in Southern Idaho. It was wonderful! I LOVE my Mom’s family!
Lets see what else… OH YEAH! As of today, our house is back together!!! YAY!I We still haven’t gotten the go ahead replacing from the insurance, other than the dryer, but yeah, my house is back together!!! One more random repair person I didn’t personally hire, and NOBODY comes into my house that we didn’t personally invite for at least a few YEARS! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAAAAAAA!
Kevin had another surgery on Thursday. We knew it was coming, he had an obvious Umbilical Hernia (Hernia through his belly button, which was part of Octobers scar tissue), The surgery turned out to be more extensive than planned, instead of one hernia, he turned out to have two, and a weak spot. So it was a bit more intrusive than planned, but it was a very good thing that we got it taken care of now. He’s only got a two inch incision, so that’s good news. He however is in a lot of pain and needs a lot of rest and pain meds.
On the home front, things are going slowly. We have carpet and paint colors picked, we finished the carpet planning on our way home from Kevin’s 24 hour post op. He did fine and felt up to it. I’m excited to see it come together. The mudding of the dry wall goes slow. We should have painted by now, but the dry wall mudder keeps coming up with reasons to drag things out. If he doesn’t wrap up by Monday I think I’ll be making a phone call or two. Once that’s done it shouldn’t be too long until the paint and carpet are done. Then we can finally move back into the half of our home that isn’t really usable right now.
The content part of the recovery is going slowly. I haven’t even begun to go shopping, or know much from the insurance in that regard. We do however have a lot of stuff that was saved, that will be able to move back out to the rooms, so it’s not like they’ll be empty or unusable, and will free up the usable spaces of our home because right now they’re crowded with the stuff that’s supposed to be elsewhere.
Overall we’re doing alright. We’re all pretty tired, but getting along.
We’re going home today. Things are not all put back together again, but I’m tired of feeling out of control. The basic needs are finally all working, so other than torn up walls and bare floors (which are being tackled ASAP), we’re good for go. We will finally have all of our belongings again, and our own beds, which I think will go miles in feeling normalcy again.
I can finally focus on putting things back together regarding both the yard which needs grass seed, mowing and some serious weeding, and the inside of the house which still has stuff scattered about from the first wave of flood damage rescue. I’m just excited to have some privacy again and control of the homefront again.
Not to mention no commute to take care of my family’s basic needs. It’s not that it’s that far or hard to drive the extra 20 minutes, it’s just draining when you know you have three needy kids that will be hard to pack up, hard to keep from screaming and whining in the car, and then be hard to gather up again once it’s time to head back. Plus I can go back to filling my tank once a month, instead of every week! Yay!
I’m just having a hard day, it’s been a crazy month, and I’m tired of a lot of things, not being home, not having privacy, worrying about money, worrying about Kevin, just not having my comfort zone.
So we’ve been hoping to go home any minute, but we realized last night that the water heaters need fixed and replaced (one of each) and we’re not going home without hot water and the phones internet and gas turned back on. Cold showers in late June and July, no biggy, not being able to sterilize dishes, not going to happen, not with Kevin’s health. More than half of our square footage is torn up from 2 feet down. We can put up plastic or a baby gate and keep people upstairs, but the playroom is also torn up, leaving the bedrooms (which are full of none-damaged stuff) living room and kitchen (full of damaged stuff) intact, leaving one couch cushion free. We have a storage pod in the driveway, but it’s pretty much full. I want to go through and find new places for things, but I don’t dare move things until we start moving through the money part. Our insurance guy is (or was) out on bereavement, so there’s been no progress on our stuff in days.
I miss my home. Miss my dishes, my pantry and food, my washing machine, my theater and movie collection, my own bed, the kids having all of their own toys, my nice dishwasher that doesn’t fall forward every time I pull out the bottom rack (called the front desk twice about that one), my own bathroom (that seriously needs some updating TLC, but will have to be on the back burner for now), and even my sad dry (thankfully!) and weedy yard. I don’t want to bring more than I have to to the hotel because I won’t use it much, it’ll be in the way, AND I don’t want to haul anything more than I have to home when we’re done here, but it sure would be nice to have my crock-pot, more of the random food in the pantry, all of my make-up and hair care products, more shoes etc.
I just need to complain for a little bit. I am grateful for our hotel room. We have a 2 bedroom (2 kings and a sleeper sofa), 2 bathroom place that’s 750 sqft and has a full kitchen including dishwasher, full size fridge, stove and oven. I often slip and call it an apartment. We get 10 free meals a week, and have great staff and a pool. We got a great deal on our room too, probably because we booked for at least three weeks, which we hit this Friday, sadly it’s beginning to look like we’re going to have to exceed that…. I’m grateful for a good van that I like to drive. I’m grateful that Kevin is doing alright despite all this stress. I worry about him. I’m grateful for great family. MIL and FIL took the kids Saturday night and gave us a much needed date night. We really enjoyed some quality time together.
My response to the latest news article found here.
A few things I feel the need to add as Kaylene Steele. Kevin came straight off of a phone call with our insurance to the journalist, so he came off to her more brash and candid than he meant.
First, there was a wall in the creek on school property that should not have been there. It was a big part of the flooding getting out of control in our neighborhood, and probably caused the flooding that came into our home from the west side (opposite the creek), causing most of the damage. Neither the city or the school seems to take any responsibility for this failure in safe water engineering.
Second, the money will work out. Both of our families are trying to help, and are wonderful. We are doing what we can including trying to make some money on the side through things I can do at home while I care for our family while Kevin works and goes to school.
The water level inside the basement never got above about 6 inches deep because we were constantly pumping. If we hadn’t it would have surely gotten up to about 2 1/2 feet, as that was the water level outside the back door including the steps down to the lowest level. In the empty crawl space it got to about 18 inches. Our disaster crew has removed 2 feet of sheet rock (the required amount) and any other materials that were damaged, which is probably where the misunderstanding came from about inside water levels.
Our insurance has been good and should cover a lot. Overall it’s been a scary and hard experience, but we’re all safe and healthy, after almost loosing Kevin 7 months ago, I’m pleased with that. We have been endlessly blessed and served and we are so appreciative. The people of Lehi Rock! We should be home soon and we look forward to rejoining our neighborhood.